Sometimes there are words here

Each day I tell myself I need to write, I need to chronicle, I need to express..... and each day passes and nothing occurs. I wondered when I started this if I'd do much blogging. I'm not much of a talker and can easily enjoy slip into the "lone-ness" of solitude. Note, not the "loneliness" of solitude, but the willful moving into it. I know people that cannot stand to be alone. They fear it for some reason. They need the companionship of others, they need to talk (even if it is about nothing at all) just to break the silence.

I don't think I've ever been lonely in my solitude. I take that back, there was a period in my late teens when I was wrestling with demons, when loneliness would consume me like a fog at times. But through that I discovered the joy that can be present.

Loneliness is different though, you can feel lonely in a room full of people. I'll often sit off to the side in a room full of people. I'm not necessarily an introvert. I'll introduce myself, talk, ask questions etc. But I don't need to talk. I'm comfortable sitting there listening, or listening to the ever playing loops in my mind. Does that make me odd?

In solitude where we are least alone - Lord Byron

So I wonder if that carries through to my attempts at blogging? By the fact that I am quiet by nature, I just can't seem to type the words from the loops that play. I don't know if I'm looking for an answer, or just writing to allow this to roll around outside for a little. Writing becomes a habit and I just haven't developed it other than in fits and bursts. I have started many journals only to have them slip into oblivion. I will find an attempt and read it and tell myself. "I need to do this more" and then days and weeks have again slipped by.

Ah well, the day calls and there are tasks at hand.

Stan and Kate

I first met Stan and Kate in my 30's. How we got introduced is a little fuzzy, but we grew close for a long period. Stan was from Canada, born in Ontario and spending summers in Nova Scotia. Kate was born in San Francisco and seemed to be that California dream. They had different views on life in some respects, but saw eye to eye on others. But free spirits the both of them.

Me, I had been working for years traveling along the East Coast painting highways. Yep, i painted the lines that we see everyday in our travels. I worked for a company in VA. that traveled all over the United States (mostly east of the Mississippi) working on rural roads, interstates, cities. It was a time before cell phones, and GPS. A time of paper maps, pay phones, long hours working in the sun. Sometimes I'd be gone a week, sometimes a month or more.Not always easy when you are married with a child. But, it was something I loved to do. I got to see so many places I'd never have seen otherwise. Places off the beaten path. Long lonely stretches of highway driving a truck going 5-7 mph.

But anyway, back to Stan and Kate. I'm not sure which one i met first or if it even matters. But without them those roads would have been even longer. Stan was to die in an Airplane accident in 1983. Smoke inhalation, yet his music lives on and still reminds me of the longing, the wanderlust, the journey, the coming home, and the leaving.

The pictures he could paint.

Like her's, my strength was young and hard as steel.
And like her too, I knew my ground;
I scarcely felt the years go round
In answer to the wheel.
But then they quenched the fire beneath the boiler,
Gave me a watch and showed me out the door.
At sixty-four, you're still the best;
One year more, and then you're less
Than dust upon the floor.

And when you were feeling down this would perk you up as you sang at the top of your lungs.

 

And though I never met him in person, he sat with me and sang me songs on those long empty roads

Learning lessons

Only three days of work this week, but oh were they long. It is Saturday morning and I'm sitting here with a sinus headache sipping on a cup of coffee and waiting for the pain to subside. Tomorrow we take a short trip to Maryland to visit family for Christmas. So today is catching up with the mundane tasks that fill a life. Laundry, cat box, those types of things.

And now it is Wednesday and it shows you how much of a blogger I am!! The visit with family was great, we enjoyed each others company and shared food and good times.

So lets see

I should learn not to try to drive so far in a day. We got a late start the first day of our journey and only made it about 3/4 of my expectation. We had our first experience at Walmart "overnighting", and it was tolerable. It was the Saturday before Christmas and I patiently waited at Customer Service just to make sure there was not going to be a problem. I know the lady appreciated the smile after what must have been a nutso day.

But that meant the next day we over drove. I went from Knoxville TN to Mobile AL roughly 515 miles way too much for a relaxing vacation journey.

Slowing down makes a difference in the wallet. Like that would be a surprise. The Vista with the VW Eurovan chassis can cruise easily at 75 or more if I wanted to. And I could watch the gas gauge move as the big box cuts air. The best mileage speed seems to be 60-62 mph. I'll just stay in the slow lane. I should remember that from my travels in the 73 Volkswagen Camper. Slow and steady.

Always take advantage of free laundry facilities. The parks we stayed at in Louisiana both had free Wi-fi and free washers and dryers. There is something uniquely satisfying about taking whatever you possess that might be slightly dirty and plunk it in a newer machine than what you have at home.

Louisiana roads are crappy. I mean rough and filled with litter. I was amazed at the amount of  trash floating in the ditches just about everywhere we went. We wanted to grab some bags and one of those litter grabbers and go to work. So I might stash a couple in the camper just to have.

Port Arthur Texas was very unimpressive. Not much more to say here, we saw, we left.

Enjoy oysters every chance you get in Louisiana, they are always excellent.

When you are in a 21 foot RV learn the art of compromise in personal space.

Remember you will always have to get up to go pee sometime during the night. Make sure there is some illumination.

Tourists aren't always pleasant. They are trying to stuff a lot of activity in a short amount of time and will generally push their way to the experience rather than enjoy the whatever. Best to either plan around them or ignore them. And remember common courtesy and a smile will do wonders when people think YOU are a tourist.

Eat where the locals eat. Ask someone.

Never be afraid to turn down a road if you can. Fortunately at 21 -22 feet I can go most anywhere. Let's see where this goes.........

Eat breakfast before you depart.

I'll share some pictures on the next post. My biggest take away is to realize there is more stuff you want to do than you will usually have time for. That's okay, your life can be just as rich if you miss a few things as opposed to stuffing them all in. What good lessons have you learned traveling?

Back before 2013

We are back and as soon as I have some time to decompress I'll post pictures and thoughts on the adventure. It taught me some things I needed to know so it was good to have an extended trip. All went mostly well, a mishap or two but all in all fine. The last night on the road it got down to 21 degrees in Bristol, VA brrrrrrrrrrrr. But the heat did it's job keeping us toasty, propane usage be darned.

Happy New Year. I'm not a resolution kind of guy. Either they are unrealistic or they fail within weeks and make me feel less confident in myself. But I saw this list and want to definitely adopt as much of it as I can. I didn't write it, but I could sure practice it a little better.

13 Hopes for 2013

1. Do for one person what I wish that I could do for everyone, but can’t.

2. Practice resurrection. Make ugly things beautiful and bring dead things back to life. Paint a new mural in our neighborhood. And make some cool stuff out of trash. Look for God in the unlikely places.
3. Interrupt death. Do something regularly to interrupt the patterns of violence, bullying, war, capital punishment and other mean and ugly things. Maybe we can see another few states in the US abolish the death penalty in 2013.
4. Give more money away than I keep. And do it in a way that takes away the power of money and celebrates the power of love.
5. Write letters and notes to people, letting them know I am thankful for them. Write a note asking for forgiveness from someone I need to ask to forgive me.
6. Do something really nice – that no one sees or knows about.
7. Compliment someone I have a hard time complimenting… and mean it.
8. Pause before every potential crisis and ask: “Will this matter in 5 years?”
9. Get outdoors often. And enjoy things like fireflies and shooting stars. Take someone to the beach or the mountains for their first time. And regularly get my hands into the garden… so when I type on the computer I can see dirt under my fingernails.
10. . Learn a skill – like welding – and use it for something redemptive, like turning a machine gun into a farm tool.
11. Rather than emphasizing the best of myself and finding the worst in others – let me work on the worst in myself and look for the best in others.
12. Be aware – and beware -- of blessings. Do something to abstain, fast, or delay gratification. And do something to indulge in a gift of God. Then do
something to end inequality and move the world toward God’s dream for every person to have “this day our daily bread”.
13. Believe in miracles. And live in a way that might necessitate one.

 

Almost there yet not quite started

We finished up everything at work today and had a wonderful sushi and sashimi lunch party.  Everyone was asking about the trip, the who, what, when and where. I'm not sure they understood when I said there was no destination in mind. Sure we are headed somewhere in Louisiana but where? Looks like we might spend Christmas at Grand Isle State Park on the Gulf of Mexico but even that is not guaranteed. What if I see something I like on the coastal trip from Alabama to LA. There looks to be a nice, although probably busy, road that parallels the interstate so thats probably what I'll take.

We were going to go see my son and his wife tonight but they had a conflict arise. so instead of leaving at 8 a.m. to hit the road on Saturday, we will go the opposite way and visit at 8 a.m. But that is fine, because when you have no agenda it doesn't matter. I had a point I wanted to stop at Saturday night and we probably won't make it there. I might make it up on Sunday or I might not. Isn't that half the fun?

My boss and her husband just spent a week in New york and had planned activities every day. I guess if I was to do something like that I might too. But I have no desire to go to New York. so when I was explaining to her the plan today of no destination, no reservations, no must things to see or do, she got a wistful look in her eye.

I'll try to blog on the road, if not I'll have a few pictures here and there of the journey. There are oysters somewhere in the trip. There are hopefully soft shell crabs.. There will probably be alligators.

WooHoo !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No news of the fiscal cliff, or shootings, or the NRA. Or the attack on christmas - lol.

"Out Standing" In His Field

It's a busy time of year as we count down the days for our trip. Hard to believe that in 4 days we head south. My wife is making dog biscuits for my next door neighbor and my son's dogs. It's just what she does. The pooches appreciate it and they aren't too bad considering the nibble I gave one last night. "Well, these are funny looking crackers, look they have little bits of carrot....." before discovering who they were for. Not bad actually, and all natural. It reminds me of the time years ago, celebrating Christmas at my sisters house before she moved to Colorado. In our family homes, you don't ask, you just open the fridge and go for it.

I was thirsty and grabbed a glass and clinked a few ice cubes into it and opened the fridge and there was a carafe of apple juice. So I fill my glass up and go in to join the festivities. Take a sip and my face froze. Defatted clarified chicken stock in no way tastes like apple juice. Let this be the lesson of the day. Maybe sniff before you pour. Well, everyone got a good laugh out of it anyway.... But I disgress.

The little church I attend has had a tradition for the past 30 years or so of hosting a Living Nativity. We used to have a ratty manger made of scrap wood and dies sheets for costumes. But that was a while ago, Now we have these velvety things and lights and animals and it reminds people of the reason for the Christmas season. People park in the parking lot and come up to where we are and walk around and we laugh and talk and it provides a welcome respite from the commercialization of the malls. We used to borrow 2 llamas and strap pillows on their backs that looks like humps. I am always a shepherd, because I'm not wise enough to be a wise man. Plus the kids all want to pet the animals. The llamas could sometimes be a handful, especially if we were standing out in the snow.

This year we have 2 mangy sheep, a huge goat, and a miniature donkey. I'm the goat holder this year. A goat with a bladder infection possibly. A goat that has peed on my shoes 2 or 3 times...... Which I didn't know about until my co-shepherds started snickering and pointing. Sigh.......  But the show goes on. The children love to pet the goat and always look at me a little funny when I ask them if they have a pet goat at home.

But it's a fun gig for three nights. For many parents it is a reminder of a simpler time. When the holiday wasn't ruled by credit cards and no parking places. It's not glitzy, it's never polished. The children come wide eyed trying to decide which is more appropriate, to go look at "baby Jesus" first or go pet the goat held by the guy with the smelly shoes.

We don't preach, we don't have a gimmick, we don't knock the commercialization of the holidays. We stand in the beauty of the night sky, sometimes in snow, right on a busy 4 lane road and remind people that there is a story here that never grows old. A story of a promise fulfilled. Whether you believe in a higher power or not, whether you believe in the biblical narrative or not, it is still a heck of a story.

Further thoughts on the slaughter

I posted this on my Facebook page today. Just ramblings as I continue to process the evil that can be in this world. And then another song.


"And this is where I end up upsetting a lot of people but here goes. I ache for a young man who was an innocent child just like those he slaughtered. I ache that at the age of 20 he saw no recourse, he saw no innocence, he saw nothing but rage and pain that caused him to kill the very children he was not that far removed from being.

Why? Where were those to help him, to be with him, to love and nurture him? To seek assistance when it became apparent he had trouble coping with life? And where was he on those dark days of madness and depression when he would allow no one in his world? There is a tragedy on both sides of this issue. And as I watch our country split apart in an "us versus them" mentality, where yelling, and bullying, and name calling become the norm, rather than compassion and empathy, we will see it over and over again.

Let me also say as a person of strong faith, that the meme of "God not being allowed in school" is insulting and disingenuous. And contributes nothing but more animosity. I can think of many teachers and administrators, and students who come to school each and every day full of prayer and God. Our faith is best shown through our actions and words, not by beating our breasts on the street corner. The God I love, was in each bathroom, each closet, and his omnipresence outweighs our human attempts to include or exclude him.

There is no excuse for what happened yesterday. There are only reasons, there is only the clarity of hindsight 20/20 vision. what can we learn from this? What can we do as a society to minimize the potential next incidence? When will we "reach across" to understand what those who disagree with us are saying rather than just dismiss them outright. Sometimes the answer to being shouting at is not to shout louder.

And today, I try to wrap my head around the perpetrator and well as his victims."

I'm leaving this topic for now. The news over the next few days will paint a picture of what happened, in their dramatic fashion. and we can let it sift through our filters for the proper analysis. In a week from now we'll be heading southward for our vacation.

Dan Fogelberg wrote an amazing song with wonderful guitar work in it. Called Tucson, AZ (Gazette)

"His heart is filled with sadness and his soul is like some ugly vacant lot"
 

"The papers simply stated it must have been the drugs that drove him mad
The neighbors speculated what could make a good boy go so bad?
Well, it might have been the desert heat it might have been the home he never had."